| A walk in my shoes |
I have been having a terrible time moving forward with my life as of late.
With the recent events around hurricane Katrina and various remarks that this is the work of God, and that God may be punishing the victims of New Orleans because he “may not approve of their way of life” got me thinking.
Generally, when something is said like that, I try and push it to the back of my mind, and move on.
Under normal circumstances, that seems to work just fine. However, when relating this sort of religious way of thinking to my baby girl and her passing, it hit me on a personal level I have never experienced before, and have been left feeling angry and hurt.
If that sort of mindset exists, how then, is that different than God and his “plans” for Ava? Am I sinful and require punishment? Am I really that evil of a person? Is that really what people think of my family?
Is this my punishment for not believing Jesus is the savior? What about the other 66% of the world that doesn’t practice Christianity?
Religion isn’t an easy topic to broach without causing conflict, and I by no means am trying to dissuade anyone against it. Religion is a human desire and need for hope. Hope that tomorrow is better than today. Having religion and a presence of God in our lives is so very important. So to, is an understanding and appreciation that others may or may not follow a certain belief system.
Any religion that has ever been established throughout history has been reinvented, altered, twisted and transformed many times. Of the 19 major religions on this planet, under the Christian umbrella alone, there are over 34,000 separate Christian groups identified, leaving a lot of room for differing interpretations and debates.
Conflict arises when religious beliefs and holy words are used like whips, with complete disrespect for the rest of humanity and their way of life. Just look at the dangers of Islam extremists and their war on the west, or the conflicts between Catholics and Northern Ireland. What about the fight between Hindus and Muslims in Kashmir, and the blood shed between the Jews and Arabs in the Middle East. It makes it really hard to believe in the healing power of religion when it is being used to spread fear, suffering and oppression.
How one defines hope, religion or faith doesn’t make us any more or less of a person. Most of us recognize and embrace how different and unique we all are, and these differences are what make life so interesting and diverse. Exposure to diversity helps us learn tolerance, and respect.
I will never understand why it is acceptable to use religion as a means of punishment, or a tool to invoke fear.
Religion and faith are supposed to spread the message of unity and compassion. Perhaps it’s our nature to say and do things before understanding them from another person’s perspective. I know that I have never felt more aware or discoloured of this religious way of thinking until I heard that it was God who had a master plan for my baby and decided to fulfill his own needs by tearing apart my family and taking her from me. Or, that I have in some twisted way been punished for my belief system (or lack thereof) and taking Ava was necessary to “show me the true path and help me understand.” It doesn’t make sense. Taking the life of an innocent baby as a means of forcing one to repent and encouraging regret is sadistic.
Part of what it means to have faith and follow a particular religion is to own all of the history of that religion, both the good and the bad and move past these perverted teaching. Religions are supposed to encourage a sense of family and community and fulfill the true meaning of having faith, and that is a mission of healing, comfort, compassion, love and most importantly, hope.
I’ve tried to express my feelings on this matter as gently as possible. I am not trying to personally attack anyone. I am simply putting my thoughts on the matter out there because when it comes to Ava, and why she died, I needed to express my personal convictions about God. It has been through my belief and understanding that I am good person and that no God would destroy a family in this manner to fulfill some sort of plan that is above human understanding, that I am able to put one front in front of the other everyday.
Perhaps if we all tried to walk in the shoes of others and feel how heavy they can be at times, a more gentle understanding of how hurtful words can be would be realized.
Amen. Labels: Grief and Loss, Soapbox, Thinking Out Loud |
Posted by karla : Permalink :
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Oh man, can I relate to this post! When we lost our baby, someone gave me a book called "A Gentle Thunder" that's all about how God uses whatever it takes to get our attention. I was SO angry that someone would imply that, because I wasn't paying enough attention to God, he had to take my baby away from me.
I still choose to believe in God, but I believe in a God of comfort, compassion and community. I believe in a God who's crying right now when he/she sees what's happening in New Orleans. I don't believe in a God who takes our babies away. I believe in a God who helped me survive the loss of my son and helped turn it into something beautiful, but who was right there with me, crying when we lost him.
People who cast judgements like that make me absolutely sick. What right to they have? And I surely doubt that any true God would seek pleasure in causing disasters to punish people...that seems more like something that would be said of the Greek and Roman Gods, because they were rumored to be tempermental and full of wrath.
But God in Heaven? That doesn't make any sense. I believe THAT God is crying along with you, wishing he/she knew how to heal your heart...*hugs*
The speculating that people are doing is COMPLETELY wrong. Only God knows why things happen. I also hate when people condemn other people to hell! IT makes me more mad then anything! ONLY GOD KNOWS (sorry, off my soapbox).
The frustrating thing is that no matter how hard you try to understand it, you can't. We aren't designed to understand. It's like contemplating outer space. He's so powerful and amazing and we can only have faith and believe it until we meet Him in heaven.
Paul in the New Testement talks about how we "know in part" which i take to mean we CAN know (versus "we aren't designed to understand" sorry to disagree, humor girl)....even if it is in part. I think asking God "why" questions is totally appropriate. I've asked "why" about Katrina. I've also tried to understand why my son was born with one small eye...I don't get all of it, but I honestly say He has brought some understanding to my heart. And it wasn't Him who did it. It was the enemy of this world who hates us. The enemy has much power, not more than God (look at all the good in the world!!) but a lot...anyway, I love God, not religion, b/c religion and religous people (hey, we're all human!) promote a lot of junk, but God is love. I know with all my heart that He loves me. You, too, Karla (kinda personal for not knowing u!) He loves you and has a plan for your life. I'd keep asking and seeking girl, especially about your dear daughter, and expect some response. He speaks.
I'm with you, Karla. I believe that if there is a God, he/she/it did not send Hurricane Katrina to punish people, just as he/she/it did not take Ava to send a message.
Things happen -- good and bad. All we can do is try to make the most out of life.
I'm so sorry that people's words are hurting you, and I hope I've never said anything that added to your pain.
Amen Karla. I agree with everything you said. Religion has a way of using a whip to instill fear into us. For 30 years I lived in fear of the world ending as a Jeovah witness! thier God is a scary one...one who will kill everyone except the Jeovah witnesss! I couldn't live with that anymore and got out.
I refuse to believe that a God kills babies and adults because he thinks they are bad. Bullshit. its all bullshit. everything dies, even the stars in the sky. some insects live less than a day. and some trees live to be a thousand years old. some turtles live longer than humans. thats nature! everything dies...its just a matter of when and where. Hope of a afterlife keeps us humans hopeful. we can't accept death. accepting death eases the suffering. thats my attitude now. I refuse to live any other way. Life is scary enough without worrying about a God who punishes us for just being Human.
It is sadly true that the greatest impediments to finding God are often those who claim to already have found him. To say that your loss was a message or the horror of the gulf was judgment is simple stupidity.
Take that statement and reverse it. If your tragedy is the result of your non-belief, then those “believers” who are trying to lay these foolish statements on you must be – by definition – living a life without hardship, without tragedy, where no one ever dies, and there is never loss.
I also think it’s the height of arrogance to claim to know the mind of God.
True, we can “know in part”, but not always and even then, it’s often a very small part. As far as asking “why”, I do a great deal more than that. I show my anger at God: yell, scream, jump up and down, and froth at the mouth. There is nothing wrong with being angry at God; He’s certainly big enough to handle it. Most of David’s life he was railing at God one minute, and praising the next.
By the way, thank you for writing that entry “as gently as possible”. I have found too many BLOGS wherein the poster simple dismisses Christians as fools and idiots. I challenge myself all the time to defend and understand why I believe the way I do, it sounds like you may be doing the same. Good for you.
I guess religion provides packaged systems and answers for people and that brings a level of comfort, even when the comfort is harsh if you know what I mean. I long ago decided that if there is a god, then we can only know him/her in an inner way and that is the only way. I don't believe that s/he meddles in our affairs. Earthquakes, hurricanes, and disease are totally natural; there is no metaphysical explanation. None. Perhaps god or one's belief in god can comfort through a trial, but I truly believe that's the extent of it. Tribulations occur randomly and indiscriminately or so I believe.
Rough post. Religion is definitly a tough topic to broach... nearly EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING feels differently about it.
You dun good, friend. ;)
And you're NOT (I WILL REPEAT NNNNOOOOTTTT) a bad person!! Your angel DID NOT leave you because you need to be punished. Don't make yourself crazy with that rubbish.
I have a hard time with people who claim to be Christian and say these things.
First of all true Christianity is not a religion. A religion is a list of rules and doctrine, ways to find your way to God.
Christianity is asking Jesus into your life so the Holy Spirit can guide you to a better relationship with God.
It's true that even good devout Christians say the things that were said to you, they apparently don't know how hurtful they are and I believe untrue.
I say this not just from knowledge of the Bible, but from personal experience.
I was raised by people who worship satan. These people were about as wicked and tortorous as any I have met.
They are still alive and well in their 80's. If God punishes those who sin these folks should be having the worst life possible.
I also believe that those who live life by their rules and laws and expect others to live by them are scared of themselves, so scared that they would rather create living hells for others than to look at themselves.
I have experience with this too. I used to be that way. If people didn't live the way I thought they should then they were either bad or had no idea what life was really about.
By the way, I was not a Christain then.
I don't know if you could tell but telling you that hurricane Katrina was caused because of the sinful way people in New Orleans were makes me angry. How do THEY explain all the wonderful good people who lost their families?
As for you losing Ava, I don't know you except from your posts and here you seem like an awfully nice person, but I don't believe that God would take away your sweet baby because of your beliefs.
As a devout Christain, your blog did not anger me. The people who hurt you in ignorance did.
you are a smart and thoughtful woman. as a non believer or agonostic i truly believe that some shit happens and it sucks and there really isn't a reason or a meaning behind, it just sucks we gotta deal and move on. and forge a meaning for ourselves from the event or tragedy. whether one wants to use religion or something else to figure that out.
so keep writing and thinking and treking and crying and whatever makes you feel stronger and clearer.
I've read this post twice, and I really don't know what to say. I agree with you, and I can feel your pain through each word you've typed. So I guess all I can say is I love you, and I'm sending you a hug!!
I am liking what both you and AC said.
I think that what happens is that people try to twist God to meet their own version of reality. To some, God hates gays. To others, God hates anyone who doesn't embrace their particular religion. They simply can't all be right.
I think that by saying things are "God's will" people are choosing the most simplistic way of explaining things because it is so hard to deal with the pain and shoving it on the shoulders of God is the easiest way out.
Or, I could be completely wrong.
Hugs to you, my friend...
I like the question you asked about “religions” encouraging a sense of family and community, faith, healing, comfort, compassion, love and hope. I, like others here, follow God who IS all of these things, not a religion. And I just heard recently, a pastor talk about how God can not give out what he doesn’t have. For example, if the God I love is comfort, compassion, hope, and love, he can not bring fear, suffering, despair, and hate to those He loves, which is every single person He has created, because He is not those things. He does not bring sickness and death to teach us a lesson, it’s just not in Him to do that. Your thoughts and questions a great ones to ponder, and I like your openness to have a discussion of this nature on your blog.
Hurricane Katrina was caused by a low pressure area that moved west from the coast of Africa, gaining power as it moved into the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico
Some people believe that if they were God and had his Power...they would kill bad people. but again thats just a human notion and thats why Bibles writers put it in the Bible...they are writing from a human perception.
I also am a "CHRISTIAN". That word is such an big word. Let me say I am a GOD lover and follower.
Me and my husband go to church praise God, live "a good life", but still there have been MANY horrible things happen to us in the past 3 years. My husband had almost died 2 times, let me say these injuries and his life have amazed doctor's.
I have been listening to a pastor on cd lately. God does not do stuff to teach us lessons. HE IS LOVE. Why would he inflict hate on us?? I always think "what is He trying to teach us now". But have come to realize we have free choice, He has given us that. Satan is just as real and powerful as God. Satan is the one doing these things not God. Let me even tell you this story. The pastor of our church had a lovely wife. She was the nicest most loving beautiful person anyone knew. She died in a horrible car accident last year. Our pastor nor his wife were "evil" people. You aren't either Karla. Don't beat yourself up.
Karla, Ava is up in heaven with Jesus, in heaven. What better place to be?? NO harm will ever get her there.
(((Karla))) I'm sorry you have been hurt. I appreciate the way you said what you had to say in a gentle manner, acknowledging that people are trying to make sense of suffering in this world with their beliefs about God, but also stating why you disagree and how it's hurtful to you in a respectful way. I hope this makes sense. I read this a couple days ago, and wanted to say something, but didn't know how to express myself.
Life is hard enough without others casting judgement on why things happen.
I totally believe people spin god into what they want to believe and want to force their opionions on others.
I dont think there is any reason we will ever know why Ava did not surrive. But the time she had was precious and she was loved beyond belief. Hang in there and just try to look past the ignorance of others and their beliefs on why god did something. I know it is easier said then done.
I am so sick of people forcing their religious beliefs on me. I dont care what you believe please stop caring I dont believe the same thing.
Hi Karla--I am a lurker here by way of Gina's blog. I completely agree with her assesment and yours. A very good friend of mine was electrocuted in a freak accident the day before his wedding 2 years ago. Even at the funeral, the priest was saying things like "God takes the good ones first". And I just don't believe that. Why would God knowingly take the good people and leave the rest of us with the bad apples? The God I believe in does not use his power that way. And the God I believe in does not appreciate the "happy clappers" making statements about his intentions.
I'm sorry you are hurting, but please know that for every person who claims such a ridiculous idea, there are more, like me, who disagree. And who are supporting you, and thinking good thoughts for you, from the other side of the computer.
I'm sorry. I hope you're not mad at me, and in NO WAY would I ever, ever even begin to think of you as a bad person, and that's totally not what I meant. I think a lot of people took what I wrote to mean that God was punishing people, but that's not really what I meant. I can't exactly explain what I was thinking, which is probably why everyone took it to mean that. I was just writing a random thought that was going through my mind at the time and seeing what other people thought. I don't claim to know what God thinks, or why He does stuff, but to me it felt like a wake-up call to the world. To be honest, even if God didn't have a hand in it, it should still be a wake-up call to the world about what can happen when you least expect it, and to be ready and listen to the warnings. I think everything has a lesson in it, again, whether or not God has a part in it. You have to admit that you've learned a lot about love and a lot of other stuff since Ava passed, and in that a lot of good has come out of a total tragedy.
I hope you don't hate me. I still totally love you, and I would never, ever do anything intentionally to make you mad.
well said karla
Keep your head up, and as far as other peoples beliefs go, does it really matter? It shouldn't, believe in yourself, and let others think what they want.
Hi Karla
I am spending some time this morning catching up on blogs, and yours is at the top of my list. I haven't written much lately, but I have thought of you often and sent you a hug across the miles each time I did. Hope you felt each one.
When I read this blog my heart went out to you and I thought of this statement I just read last night.
"They say that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell, and spirituality is for people who've been there."
Hang in there kiddo and keep searching and asking questions.
Well put. I'm Catholic by birth and education, but lately have had the same questions as you. I'm convinced that all religions are basically the same, they're just called different things because of the Tower of Babel. There's a god in all of them, but man have the paths been twisted by the handlers!
I'm sure the person who gave you that book did so because they got a different message out of it than you did and for sure they missed that meaning. Nobody's that crass.
Karla , Karla were are you it is almost 1 week since your last post.
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Friday, September 16, 2005
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Previously...
Monday, September 12, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Friday, September 02, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Friday, August 19, 2005
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Heather : September 16, 2005 
